If you make a fast-paced game about tanks duking, er blasting it out, you'd better make the tanks agile, and 3DO has once again, screwed it all up. Global Assault's biggest problem is the control. Early on in the game, you're forced to move east (and I don't mean just the eastern US, you'll travel to Texas, Washington DC, London, Paris, Berlin, and finally Russia), all the while trying to figure out who this woman is, and what she wants with your son. Through the opening CG intro, we find that your son, Brandon, is the target of one mean she-bitch who wants him for some unknown reason.

You are Griffin Spade, and you're wife/flaxen hottie, Madison, is the QueenLord of your San Francisco-based Tribe. Now the men, freaking out because they can't knock boots like normal, form groups, the aggressive ones called 'Gangs' and the more peaceful variety called 'Tribes'. Because of their low numbers, women are revered (see, women, you get your respect, it just takes a cataclysmic virus that nearly wipes all of you out first), and are held up as QueenLords. Well, my friends, it's a fun one! In a nutshell, the X-2 virus wiped out most of the female population in 2001, and as a result, women are a precious 'commodity' that are used for furthering the species. 'So what's the friggin' point of the game, Sam?!' You ask. The PlayStation version has most of this, but once again, it just doesn't hold the fun for some reason. Entire buildings could be leveled with a few cannon blasts, and the variety of weapons kept things interesting. The levels were almost always wide open, and allowed for some great blasting. While the single player was a little flat, the multiplayer was a complete blast. In fact, I can count on one hand the games that I actually like, and Battletanx, amazingly, is one of them. I think they look like crap, sound like crap, and play like crap. Now let's get something straight: I hate N64 games.

Gameplay When I heard 3DO was doing a port of Battletanx, I was a bit excited. Everything from the N64 version has carried over, albeit with a slight hit on graphics and framerate, but for some reason the game just doesn't have any oomph. While GA doesn't necessarily feel like a rush job, it does feel like it doesn't belong on our lovable gray brick, either.

N64 battle tanks rom